State of mind

My mental health is mine and mine alone. From time to time I voice what is going on inside my head to my mother, sometimes my father. On a daily basis I write poems or voice them on social media just to get it out. I’ve never been careful when it comes to voice how I feel, I wish I had more of a filter and that I didn’t share so much of myself because it’s not for attention I do it. It’s so I can read it, and if you read it, then that’s fine, but it’s still not for you I’m writing this.

Since June, yes since I finished university, I’ve been feeling this stress, discomfort, anxiety, restlessness, sadness, loneliness, panic and just everything that made me just stop and I’ve lost all motivation, inspiration and love for what I do. I’ve had more days where I’m distant and I’m going to tell you what I’m thinking when I stare out of windows, stare out into nothingness and when I reply with a shrug. I’m going to tell you why I’m sad and not happy; I don’t live up to my own expectations. Doing something about it is hard and I feel people expect me to get my license, my business up and running, to move out, to find the one and I’m having one of those early twenties please just let me be situations going on. I don’t expect you to understand, but please – stop asking me all these basic ass life questions because it is tiring, I think about it 24/7 and have had nights where sleep has been nonexistent because it worries me that I can’t find the time or motivation.

I have a massive life changing surgery coming up soon and then there is this wave of everyone’s questions hanging over me like a scary monster. I’ve talked about it with my mom and I have lovely friends who I can talk to as well. But if you know me and read this, it is not for attention, but it is to make you take a step back and ask me how my weekend was instead of what is my plan for the future.

YES – I plan on getting my drivers license as soon as I feel ready for it and have the right mindset. YES – I plan on becoming my own boss and to do photographing on a daily basis. YES – I plan to one day move out, but since this is Norway I can’t because I don’t have a job that allows it. YES – I want someone special in my life but I’m picky and I have never been popular among anyone so there is that problem.

PS. I don’t want you to stop asking me questions, but try to find something else rather than my plans to talk about.

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